NO sWAYze!

It's the beginning of the year, and, as usual, everyone's getting all excited about what's to come, what with the upcoming political facelift and the new Rock of Love (will that Bret Michaels ever find his rock of love?). So, natural to this time of the year, speculations and predictions are abound. Ours were just some off-handed casual observations (keep 'em in mind all the same, though, folks, and make good stock choices), but some upped the anty with their 2K9 forecasts in both topic and scope in unexpected ways:

The 100 Most Likely People To Die In 2K9

Bold! No surprise on some of those (although I think at this point we can agree that Amy Winehouse will keep going just to spite us all and that Keith Richards is immortal), but I'm rather distraught to see my favorite philosophical bouncer, Patrick Swayze, ranking with over a 50% chance of death (for real, this time). Surely it can't yet be time for a post-Swayze world! But, we still have so much to learn from him about dancing in both dirty and spectral ways. How about Whoopi Goldberg instead? And this comes just as I was considering adopting a new slaw mascot, too:

Bummer, but at least our beloved avatar, Mr. Berry, still stands a good 91% chance of surviving the year. Keep on fighting, you ol' slaw and prostitute lovin' rocker.

Oh, and poor Joe Francis - who will supply us with inordinate amounts of drunken tits when he's gone?

Well, anyway, now that we know what our odds are of losing our celebs, we can adjust, anticipate, and move on early so that we don't hit any bumps down the road to throw off our stride this year like Heath did to us last year. So, mourn now if you must, but come Barry's inauguration and Bret's new rock, we need to be movin' on and movin' fast - let's get the fuck done with the 0's already!